Tuesday, 30 December 2014

Crushing blow, stomach ripped out. Lies.
heart expoldes - a thousand tiny fragments into space.
I double up
Curl up
wretch then the tears start.
hot rivers flow.
You knew how much I needed that.
I asked with kind humility.
No repect shown back
just lies
humiliating me.
do you laugh behind my back
at how easy it is to fool me?
do you know the reason?
not lack
Just love and belief in you.
you mock my trust and dishonour our family
You give your son nothing to follow
with your lies
you cheapen everything
Leaving it bone dry and hollow.

Tuesday, 16 December 2014

breath between a letting in and a letting go. 
warm air lingers around my lips.
heartbeat slow.
perhaps if i hold this long enough the world will let me step off,
take stock,
until i am ready to spin again.

love like this i wished for all my life
and then it came.
a storm that blew
and blew
and blew.
love like this forges saints from its fire

i love you
with my heart and more.
with life
and breath.
i love you
even from behind the veils of stories, insults, lies, regrets.
i see you
as you see me
when we are unafraid and stare,
soul to soul.
that's why we are still here.

Friday, 12 December 2014

Hafiz :
I know the way you can get
When you have not had a drink of Love:

Your face hardens,
Your sweet muscles cramp.
Children become concerned
About a strange look that appears in your eyes
Which even begins to worry your own mirror
And nose.

Squirrels and birds sense your sadness
And call an important conference in a tall tree.
They decide which secret code to chant
To help your mind and soul.

Even angels fear that brand of madness
That arrays itself against the world
And throws sharp stones and spears into
The innocent
And into one's self.

O I know the way you can get
If you have not been drinking Love:

You might rip apart
Every sentence your friends and teachers say,
Looking for hidden clauses.

You might weigh every word on a scale
Like a dead fish.

You might pull out a ruler to measure
From every angle in your darkness
The beautiful dimensions of a heart you once

I know the way you can get
If you have not had a drink from Love's

That is why all the Great Ones speak of
The vital need
To keep remembering God,
So you will come to know and see Him
As being so Playful
And Wanting,
Just Wanting to help.

That is why Hafiz says:
Bring your cup near me.
For all I care about
Is quenching your thirst for freedom!

All a Sane man can ever care about
Is giving Love!”

Sunday, 16 November 2014

I am not made for this. I am borne of hot red earth and relentless heat -  the kind of sun that bakes the bones until they burst into wild dancing love. 

Monday, 10 November 2014

Something shining inside,
Unknown light
A soft ember
Not quite a spark,
not yet.
My surrrendered soul stares with quiet hope,
Will it be... something?
Days given over to the same actions - dishes in dishes out, bath, bed cleaning.. escape to screen-ing.
Dare not believe that this small tender thing might become
Or will it get trampled by neglect,
or the brash re-entry that arrives saying
and lays to waste all other plans.
i never pick them up - my broken dreams.
They just lie around: reminders not to dare,
Not to hope.
It will come to nothing, you know.

Tuesday, 4 November 2014

I hope, we will be old one day too and remember our childhood play, fingers just having managed to stay touching in the wind-wild ocean of life.

Monday, 3 November 2014

North of here there is nothing but air.
Straight out along the road -fifty miles before you even need to think or stop.
There, you can breathe.
...and bend
to touch the dry earth - finger tips sifting the desert sand .
You can lie flat and let the earth take your body in its arms and hold everything that is too much for you to hold on your own.
That is the place to be.
Quiet now, I'll take you there in my heart.
Let the minibar buzz become cicadas and the traffic be the long dusty highway.
Breathe, close your eyes, breathe.

Sunday, 2 November 2014

The Fan.

We laughed
at the cutout figures
the lyrics quoted clumsy like a secret code.
Pity drawn from our hearts as we sat in our cosy nest, the storm passed.
You hanging on, howling at our windows - a sad angry dervish of wanting.
Irritation at your persistance came and went in rhythm with amusement.
Sad little girl - go home.
Go and find your own songs to sing.
Go and make your own meaning.
Nothing here was any more than borrowed dreams.

Saturday, 1 November 2014

I don't like talking - so much gets lost in ordinary words. They flow, unstoppable, from my mouth, forgetting their meaning as they go. But you I like and I would like to know. Would like to sit near you and let wisdom flow from your heart to mine and back again. Even dancing seems sometimes so obvious and loud. I'd like to sit just quietly in the shadows and allow the subtle changes of our energy to affect our souls and wisdom to grow there in the quiet cracks between our knowing.
Throwing the year away:

Her, I wrap a cord around and tightly tie her photograph, banish her into the flames to become grey ashen dust.
With grief acknowledge what she stole, my trust, my innocent heart so duty bound, so faithfully keeping our home.

Friday, 8 August 2014

Love is really all that matters.

She can't have known the woman-craft that goes into making a home.
The long waiting, weaving love to stitch moment from moment.
The candle kept burning at the window,
The sweet solitary quiet of motherhood in the evening.

Tuesday, 6 May 2014

Someone left.
His void maps out the shape of things long gone,
Like space in a forest when tall trees fall,
It will remain.
A break in the canopy to let the sky pour through.

A world I seldom go to now,
But, still, it gave me strength to know it there.
Many have fallen now,
The forest floor a litter.
Complex emotions, vines and scars and tangled metal of old machines.
A place of bitterness and regret
But that tree was one that stood clear and strong,

I am sad.
He was the last of them and in truth was the closest person to my father.
I miss them both as he takes a thread it is no longer possible to hold.

Old friend, I am sorry not to have seen you another time before you passed.

I thank you for giving my son a sense of context as you did; for being my father's arm around him.
You connected him to something I had feared lost.
I hold a grief for him as he loved you.
For the silent deeds and quiet ways your kindness touched our lives.
Missed opportunity lingers in my heart.

Thank-you for the gifts you did not understand I sought.